her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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