best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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