Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
