I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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