I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
