Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
