Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
