By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
