you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
