Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.