if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can feel your judgement through the phone