i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20