Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus