And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain