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We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
nutella sex= disaster
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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