he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
