I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize