Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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