He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
