Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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