it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
