sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fuck appropriateness.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
