So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
