I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize