is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
