I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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