I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
