I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
