Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
