if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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