I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
