apparently the secret to your success is patron
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
