She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
