WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When are your genitals available?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
