I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
