Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
