Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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