I'm going to jail i love you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
