Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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