My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
