ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
