we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
