I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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