you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
