wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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