i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
