I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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