he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
