update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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