i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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