I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
