Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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