is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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