I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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