i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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