Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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