No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
