I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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