Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize