is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
