When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
