i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you will always have a special place in my vag
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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