Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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